Talk versus Action-Communication

Communication is the second key step to getting ourselves into action. Planning got us started, and once that’s ongoing, all the key people in our lives need to know the plan and their part in it. Project team communication is obvious. It is also critical, however, to communicate with management, peers, subordinates, and of course, our family and friends. This allows everyone to voice their questions, concerns, support issues, etc. with us, so that we can adjust our plans if needed.

So then, what and how should we communicate? If you’ve ever had a colleague that charges into your office or phones you every time he or she has an idea or issue, you might guess that this is not the recommended approach. It’s far more effective if you get your communications organized by person. In fact, for key people, keeping an ongoing collaboration issue list is very helpful, and its employment communicates a respect for their time that will serve you both well. We recommend prioritizing your list before visiting with key individuals, and discussing the most important ones first. That way, if you run short on time, the most critical items will be communicated.

Communication styles vary widely, so it is essential to tailor your approach for each person. Consider the other person’s pressures as well as your own issues. For instance, if the person is fast paced and business focused, don’t ask about their weekend! Get right to business. On the other hand, if he or she has a relaxed, slow paced style, match that too. Remember that people like people who are like themselves. Make them comfortable by patterning your communication after their style, and your communication will be far more effective.
Posted by Rekryan Syaamil, Saturday, June 2, 2007 8:46 PM | 0 comments |

Be Effective and Efficient Communicator

Excellent communicators understand the subtleties of communication, and this is fundamental to their prowess. Let’s think about the communication of the simple request with respect a letter, “Please be sure this goes out today.” Surely this is straightforward enough. Yet as stated, a myriad of problems may ensue.

First, let’s consider the tone. If stated without much inflection, it is a non-prioritized request that may get lost in the shuffle. If emphasis is given to the word “please”, then it may be taken as either sarcastic or as begging. If emphasis is placed on “today”, it may come off as impatient and annoyed. If emphasis is put on the word “sure”, it may be interpreted as not trusting and even derogatory. Each of these has undesirable side effects.

Second, the structure of this simple request leaves much to be desired. It doesn’t specify the means of transmittal, assuming that the receiver knows what is expected, and leaving much room for interpretation (and error). No information regarding the deadline for receipt of the letter is specified, which may ultimately be the source of a major error.

We routinely make simple comments like this all day long, and we’re lucky that most of them are received well and we are successful. There are simple changes, however, that can avoid the occasional blunders that ensue from incomplete communications, which is how I would characterize the example above. Consider the following example:

Janice, do you have a minute? (makes the recipient of the message stop their current activity and focus on what you are about to request)

Carol needs to have this letter, with the original signature on it, in her hands by noon tomorrow so she can proceed to commit funds for our project. Can you make sure that happens? (specific requests, with understanding of “why” motivate people to do their part)

Sure Mary, I’ll send it out overnight with tracking. (you know that communication has occurred once the feedback has been received – until then, you only know that a message has been sent)

Thanks Janice! I appreciate your handling it personally. It’s pretty important, and I want to ensure it happens on time. (clarifies expectations and nicely assigns personal responsibility)

This is simple stuff, and we are routinely doing it all day long. It’s easy to skip steps, in the interest of efficiency, and when things go okay, we get in the habit of skipping those steps. With a well-oiled team, we forget that we are even skipping steps. Then, when there’s a personnel change, and things go wrong, we blame the new person instead of our short-cut communication.

Be careful to carefully balance the trade-off between time saving efficient communication and the power of effective, complete communication. The latter pays huge dividends, and takes little time to do well.

Posted by Rekryan Syaamil, 8:33 PM | 10 comments |

A Leader Should Having Capability to Connecting People

In the highly competitive business of corporate training for 11 years, and with a client roster heavy with top corporations, Diane Eade has never made a cold call. Every one of her clients has come from networking. And while the very word is enough to induce many to go back to bed -- covers pulled up, pillow placed over head -- Eade actually seems to have come up with a marvelously painless way of turning strangers into customers.

She speaks on "The Power of Networking" on Wednesday, July 16, at 8:15 a.m. at a meeting of the Princeton Chamber at the Nassau Club. Cost: $25. Call 609-520-1776. Oh, and by the way, Eade says she got this speaking gig through networking. A colleague -- "really a competitor," she says -- had to drop out and called to ask if she wanted to step in. At least in part because she has won large clients through speaking engagements such as this one, she readily agreed.

Eade grew up in Olean, New York. "In the middle of nowhere," is how she describes the charming western New York town, which is close to the Pennsylvania border, but not to much else. One of six children, she decamped for the University of Buffalo, from which she graduated in 1979. She studied a little of everything and found herself gravitating toward economics. "I had a natural affinity for business," she says. She used it to build a corporate career in brand marketing, but left, burned out, in her mid-30s.

"Brand management is stressful," she says. "The way it's set up, you're like a business owner. Your livelihood is based on how well your brand does. You have to bust a gut. It's a young person's game." Deciding she had learned all she could, and tired of being constantly on the road, she stepped back to assess. "When I thought about what I did like about the job," she recounts. "It was all about the people."

In 1992, Eade founded Advanced Leadership Group, which is headquartered in Rockaway, to offer corporate training and consulting. Not lacking confidence, she states that "I'm the best presentation skills trainer I've ever seen." That she can pull off such a claim gracefully is quite amazing. She says it with the ease that someone else might say "I'm a passable golfer" or "My team was fortunate enough to win the XYZ contract again this year." Just stating the facts.

Eade says she owes her effectiveness to empathy, and to the effort of learning to master a task that did not come easily. "The first time I gave a presentation, I came down with hysterical laryngitis," she confesses.

In addition to presentation skills, Eade has specialties in sales training and in diversity training. Of the latter she says, "It's not about being politically correct any more. The big corporations have moved way beyond that." It is now about making "a million different kinds of people" comfortable enough at work to do their best, become invested in the effort, and want to stick around.

Eade is able to offer these services to corporations -- and to win business -- because she has been smart about connecting with clients. Here is her blueprint for doing so:

Ask for what you want. Soon after deciding to start a business, a venture she recognizes as risky, Eade drew up a list of the 10 corporations with which she would most like to work. "I circulated that list to everyone I knew," she says. She asked all of her friends, her acquaintances, and the friends of her acquaintances to help her to meet contacts within the companies. "I gave the list to everyone I met," she says.

Using this wide net, Eade was able to set up meetings with seven or eight of the companies, and won contracts with three. "It was a whole lot more effective than anything I had ever done," she says.

Bring a friend along to meetings. When a friend identifies a decision maker in a company in which she is interested, Eade tries to arrange a three-way meeting, preferably over a meal. Sitting down with her friend and her new contact means that the friend's credibility is instantly transferred to her. If the contact likes and trusts her friend, he is almost sure to have similar feelings for her.

If it is not possible to include the friend in a meeting with the contact, an introduction from him is second best, and far preferable to going in cold.

Stand out from the crowd. "When you're successful," says Eade, "everyone wants a piece of you." People in positions to grant contracts often are besieged by those trying to sell to them. Be different, she suggests. Don't talk about yourself, but rather ask about your new acquaintance. In fact, come to a networking event with a mental list of questions to ask the people you want to meet there. "People like to talk about themselves," she says. Give them every opportunity to do so, and under no circumstances use the occasion to talk only about yourself -- or worse, to deliver a canned sales spiel. And don't shove a business card into anyone's hand.

Networking, says Eade, is not about passing out business cards, it's about collecting them. Business cards thrust upon her find their way into the circular file -- fast.

Ask not what your contact can do for you. This is the meat of Eade's networking method. Upon meeting a new person, show a genuine interest in him, asking questions designed to elicit information about what it is that he needs. In asking about him, and about his business, build up to the most important question: "Who is your prospect?"

With this information in hand, move heaven and earth to bring the new contact together with this prospect. As an example, Eade says that a contact might sell copier machines. When she meets such a person, she scours her vast network, looking for someone who has recently complained about the quality of the copies in his office, or about poor service from his copier company. She then calls the person with the poor copies and puts him in touch with her new contact. She might want to win business from the new contact, but she puts this way, way on the back burner, and seeks, first of all, to do him a major favor by delivering business to his door.

Make friends. After bringing a new customer to his door, Eade is well on her way to making her networking contact her friend. "And notice," she says, "he still doesn't even know what I do. He doesn't know anything about me."

While most networkers, elevator speeches memorized, tell all and sundry all about themselves within seconds, Eade deliberately holds back that information until a friendship is flowering.

Reveal yourself slowly. The first time that a new business acquaintance asks Eade to talk about herself, she demurs. "I don't what to talk about myself when they're just asking to be polite," she says. "I want to wait until they are genuinely interested." So, after the first query, she turns the questions aside, asking the contact to keep talking about himself. Only way down the line, after a relationship is developing, does she talk about her company and its services.

Realize that this is a slow dance. A first meeting is not the place to win business. "It does happen," says Eade, but it should not be the goal. If you begin to know several people at a networking event, the event has been a success.

As friendships, begun through networking, begin to deepen , results will inevitably follow. You will find business for your new contacts. Maybe you will forward them clippings about areas of common interest. You may even tip them off to vacation bargains, prime tee times, and excellent homes for sale in your neighborhood.

Then, says Eade, "the law of reciprocity kicks in." Your networking acquaintance, upon whom you have applied not one iota of muscle, will want -- really want -- to help you out, to send business your way.

July 9, 2003 issue of U.S.1, Princeton, NJ
Posted by Rekryan Syaamil, 8:23 PM | 1 comments |

Challenging your Group Thinker

Perhaps one of the most challenging spots a leader can find him or herself in is joining a group that is already in progress. The whole point of bringing in ‘new blood’ is to shake things up. Yet, a group that is already formed has norms, often unspoken, that make it nearly impossible to join it successfully without distressing at least some colleagues. If you are a people pleaser, your natural human instinct to belong must be tempered so that you can make a positive impact.

A wise boss told me years ago that employees are uniquely valuable during their first week of work – before they gain internal ‘perspective’. At this point, they bring a fresh viewpoint, devoid of bias and full of naiveté. It is at this point that they have more in common with normal consumers than they ever will again. Hence, it is critically important to listen to them closely during that first week, and equally important for them to speak out, no matter how daunting that task may seem at the time.

As leaders, we must listen well, and also clearly communicate those first, naïve impressions to existing teams. If business as usual were going well, they wouldn’t need us. Our role is to open our mouths, and hopefully their minds, to express new questions and approaches. Some guidelines for this situation include:

1. Whenever possible, pose ideas as questions.
2. Credit the team members for the accomplishments that have already occurred.
3. Make it clear that your objective is to build on their foundation, not discard it.
4. Listen actively, providing plenty of verbal and visual feedback so they know
you really listened to them.

5. If and when you are convinced that you are right, pick your issue and stick to
it. That is why you are there.
Posted by Rekryan Syaamil, 8:17 PM | 0 comments |

Communication Skill

It is certainly challenging - deciphering what a poor communicator really meant to say, versus what "it sounded like" when they said it. For instance, a good friend makes a casual snide comment about you at a party. Does he or she really mean that you are ‘whatever’? Was it supposed to be funny? Is the person simply uncomfortable giving you a compliment and is expressing the opposite?

We see it so often in both our personal and professional lives - the stray comment that devastates others. Odds are that both parties would benefit from work on their communication skills.

1. Obviously we all need to learn to be clear, in both content and tone, when we speak and write. When we have more time, communication often goes better, so slowing down and thinking before we speak is a good start.

2. So too, we need to listen in a manner that gives the speaker the benefit of the doubt. And, when there is sufficient doubt, we need to probe to get at the speaker’s real meaning. Americans are notoriously poor listeners – we are usually only being quiet long waiting for the other person to stop talking so we can have our turn. That is not listening!

There are some simple circular processes that help us improve dramatically in this regard. Each of has a responsibility to both ourselves and others to improve our communication skills. Everybody around us is happier when we do.
Posted by Rekryan Syaamil, 8:13 PM | 0 comments |

Focus your Listening

Listening is an area that we each need to focus on – and no matter how good we think we are we can always improve. I find that for me the trick is my focus. When I am focused on the speaker, I can actively listen, paraphrasing, clarifying, questioning and really staying on their topic, rather than tossing in my own stories and issues.

Our challenge is in staying focused and giving the other person the time, especially when we are notoriously busy and multi-tasking. The power, I believe, is in the moment of decision - when I decide that:

1. I care about you.

2. I want you to feel cared about and respected.

3. I need to learn what you are thinking about and why.

That is when I am willing to stop whatever I am doing at that moment and focus on you. There are rarely things that cannot wait five minutes for you to tell me something that is urgent. When my back is really up against it, I must warn you that I really cannot focus on you now, and it is then incumbent on me to set a time for us to regroup when I will be able to focus on you.

Remember, listening is far more than being quiet and waiting for the other person to stop speaking so that you can have your turn!
Posted by Rekryan Syaamil, 8:10 PM | 0 comments |

Listen! and be Effective

Failing to listen well causes people significant problems, both personally and professionally. Why is it then that intelligent people who know that they should listen, don't? Many of us have established communication habits over the years that emphasize getting our point across with little regard for the input of others. That’s the behavior that has been rewarded in school and in the low level jobs we work in our early years. Then we enter the corporate world where emphasis is placed on teamwork, communication and interpersonal skills, and we find ourselves poorly prepared for the ensuing challenges.

Our improvement opportunity with listening is not simply knowledge based. Rather, it is based on years of poor habits that have become our everyday behavior. When we work with groups, we don’t believe a person has really listened until he or she demonstrates listening to the speaker via multiple methods. It's all about letting the speaker know that you heard him or her, and that you truly got the message. Spurred on by television and movies, too many of us have become increasing passive listeners. When we are interacting with live people, we use those same passive skills, and the speaker is left feeling unheard and unappreciated. Take the time to paraphrase what they said, clarify their message and summarize the conversation. Look him or her in the eye and show your interest with gestures and related questions. You'll love the difference it will make in both your personal and professional life!
Posted by Rekryan Syaamil, 8:05 PM | 0 comments |